Different Uses of “I Don’t Know”
[Where I See Fear – II]
Some say it when they don’t have the right answer.
Others say it when they don’t have some of the answer.
And some even say it if they don’t have the whole answer, plus supportive evidence.
Which one is the student in the class that gets called on by the teacher? He listens, takes notes, and has a good guess, but still says, “I don’t know."
Which one is the spouse that says “I don’t know” every time she's asked which restaurant she wants to go to for date night?
Which one is the administrator that get’s asked his opinion about the design of the front office—his work space—and says, “I don’t know”?
“I don’t know” is rarely about knowing the information (or having quick access to it—thanks, Siri) and is often more about two other factors:
- A shaming environment for being wrong.
- Negative repercussions of actually knowing.
In either case, not knowing, or pretending not to know, is safer than actually knowing. “I don’t know” is an act of self-defense. The risk of knowing is too high.
We can do better. We’ve created systems, work and education environments, and relationships that condone (or intentionally use) #1 and #2 above.
We’ve created places of fear.
If you’ve often wondered why some people say “I don’t know” in your office/team/marriage you’re likely in a position to influence the environment to mitigate the threat.