Sunday Reminder
Each Sunday I'll find an older post pertaining to the current week's theme, polish it up, and re-share it.
Here's today's "Sunday Reminder"
The Opposite of Busy
[September 11, 2019]
The opposite of busy is not laziness. Or listlessness.
The opposite of busy is intentional.
Intentionality always begins with the question, “What is this or that for?”, and then when that is answered, asks, “Is it worth it?”
Or, to ask it in a different way: “Is this or that an investment in lasting value, sincere relationship, deeper work, or improved health?” (If you’re not sure, the answer is probably NO.)
What if on Sunday night for one hour—heck, for 15 minutes, even—we looked over the coming week, and asked ourselves that question about each 'thing' in our calendar?
I’m beginning to think that changing the world begins this way.
Everyday folks being intentional about everyday things.
Is it an investment in lasting value?
Is it an investment in healthy, sincere relationship?
Does it contribute to deeper work?
Will it improve my health or the health of those around me?
Weekly Roundup: In the Beginning
August 17 – 21, 2020
Monday: There’s no end to how far we can go back. We can find cause, if we retrospect enough. The wound and scar and trauma is there. Finding the beginning, the root cause, the impetus, or the genesis is a life-long endeavor. And it’s important. Equally important—and maybe harder!—is to insist on today being the beginning.
Tuesday: When information (or made-up garbage) is used as a weapon, the truth doesn’t matter. More important than "Is it true?” is “Does it validate?” Pre-validating a person is always “more true” than so-called facts.
Wednesday: Step by step I traced my journey back to the beginning, and what I found was not a formula or implementation strategy; rather, it was an admission of failure.
Thursday: Gardens are the epitome of nourishment. Not catering to cleanliness or perfection. Not feeding beauty or image. Not fueling professional pursuits or promotion. Genuine, fresh, raw nourishment . . . of your true self.
Friday: An expert is not measured by how much you know but by your willingness to the keep learning. An expert keeps digging, keeps discovering. Salespeople try to pass as experts. Pundits do too. You can spot a real expert by their humble admission of how much they don’t know. And it’s the genuine experts that drive change.
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Experts Drive Change
[In the Beginning – V]
I know 100% of me, which makes me the world's top expert on myself.
Wait.
When I accept that I’m not the only person in the universe, I learn there are things about me, say 10% for those that like to quantify, that I don’t know about myself that others see. If I’m willing to receive their input, I can grow in my self-understanding. (Maybe I only know 90% of me.)
Hold on.
But then—and I don’t know when it happens for most people, but for me it was in my late 20’s—I started meeting parts of myself way beneath the surface. Stuff that’s repressed, wounds that have been “forgotten”, dreams that were dashed and left on the side of the road of my youth. And it doesn’t take much, but after a few encounters with this part of me, I realized there is an inner universe that can be forever discovered. (Perhaps I don’t know as much as I thought I knew about me.)
I’m still an expert on me.
No one comes close.
An expert is not measured by how much you know but by your willingness to keep learning. An expert keeps digging, keeps discovering.
Salespeople try to pass as experts. Pundits do too. You can spot a real expert by their humble admission of how much they don’t know. And it’s the genuine experts that drive change.
Friends, we need more real experts . . . we need more hungry students.
Garden Nourishment
[In the Beginning – IV]
In the beginning was a garden.
Does garden evoke memories of weeding grandma’s strawberry bed?
Bug bites, creepy-crawlies, or stinky compost?
Fresh beans or vine-ripe tomatoes?
Hot summer days with plenty of free time?
Whatever your association with gardens, certainly fresh, raw food is included. Maybe it’s raspberries, perhaps green leafy veggies, or possibly that one fruit tree in the corner of your neighbor’s yard. Somewhere in that memory you hold there is food. (Truthfully, if it’s from a garden, it’s the best food money can buy.)
In the beginning was a garden. Of course there was!
Gardens are the epitome of nourishment.
Not catering to cleanliness or perfection.
Not feeding beauty or image.
Not fueling professional pursuits or promotion.
Genuine, fresh, raw nourishment . . . of your true self.
Where’s your garden? Where do you find nourishment for your soul?
People like us that are unwilling to continue with the way things are need “gardens".
The Tipping Point
[In the Beginning – III]
Malcom Gladwell wrote a book some years back, The Tipping Point. He explores what causes a product, idea, or trend to “tip” over a threshold and spread rapidly. It’s a book about social phenomena.
What about personal tipping points?
A friend asked me the other day about when a concept I learned about became a principal I lived by. He was asking about a personal tipping point. When did I cross the threshold from bystander to believer, from witness to advocate, from student to practitioner?
Step by step I traced my journey back to the beginning, and what I found was not a formula or implementation strategy; rather, it was an admission of failure.
Failure of an old system that couldn’t fulfill it’s promises.
Failure of a former method that proved hollow.
The new way “tipped” from idea to a fully-embraced norm when I finally and unashamedly admitted to myself that the old norm was futile.
The old must die before “tipping” into the new.
There’s often a death before a new beginning.
Does it Validate?
[In the Beginning – II]
If you want to lose a friend, remind them that their physical pain is in their head. Tell them that the mind is powerful—more powerful than the injury they believe they have.
If you want to frustrate a teacher, offer to them that homeschool, no-school, and wild-school kids regularly test higher on standardized tests. Inform them that real learning happens spontaneously, rarely in classes, and best when self-directed.
If you want to really tick a doctor off, quote statistics about the effects of placebos. Tell them all about studies you’ve read online that find placebos have more influence on real outcomes than pharmaceuticals.
Is any of that true?
It doesn’t matter.
When facts (or made-up statistics) are used to dismiss and hurt, all truth is lost.
When information (or made-up garbage) is used as a weapon, the truth doesn’t matter.
More important than "Is it true?” is “Does it validate?” Pre-validating a person is always “more true” than so-called facts.
(If your mind immediately goes to thinking of all the reasons you can’t pre-validate someone, you’ve likely hurt a lot of people all the way.)
A New Past
[In the Beginning – I]
It happened because . . .
. . . I was bullied in high school.
. . . I struggled to read early in grade school.
. . . I was neglected as a toddler.
. . . My mom smoked while pregnant.
. . . My grandma abused my dad for years.
. . . Grandpa’s dad was a violent drunk.
. . . Great grandpa was in the war and suffered PTSD.
There’s no end to how far we can go back. We can find cause, if we retrospect enough. The wound and scar and trauma is there. Finding the beginning, the root cause, the impetus, or the genesis is a life-long endeavor. And it’s important.
Equally important—and maybe harder!—is to insist on today being the beginning.
The beginning of the healing.
The beginning of the new narrative.
The beginning of your purpose.
Today can be the day you look back on in the future and say “It happened because on that day . . .”
You have the opportunity for today to not only be a new future, but come tomorrow, to be your new past.
Sunday Reminder
Each Sunday I'll find an older post pertaining to the current week's theme, polish it up, and re-share it.
Here's today's "Sunday Reminder"
The Cost of Secrecy
[October 1, 2019]
Imagine you’re at a $40/plate restaurant. After being led to your table, you need to use the restroom. Along the way, you pass the kitchen. What do you see?
Now imagine you’re at any old run-of-the-mill restaurant in town. You find your seat, then you go to the restroom, passing the kitchen along the way. What do you see?
There’s nothing to hide at the first restaurant. Most of the kitchen is visible. Probably not the case in the second scenario.
The first restaurant says, “We’re an open book. Take a look. Stay a while.”
The second restaurant says, “We have things to hide. Hurry along.”
There’s a positive correlation between what people are willing to pay and what they expect to see. Another way to say it: The curtain comes at a cost. Not to the customer but to the restaurant.
This is not only a restaurant phenomenon. If “pay” means any type of investment (i.e. time, loyalty, creative energy, labor, etc.), and “curtain” means any type of secrecy, then this applies almost everywhere.
Weekly Roundup: Intersections
August 10 – 14, 2020
Monday: Vocation is at the intersection of measurable need, personal interest, and well-crafted skill.
Tuesday: Being rich is at the intersection of personal conviction, lifestyle, and income.
Wednesday: Faith is at the intersection of belief, practice, and idiosyncrasy. It’s hopefulness with flesh on it. And a little bit of weird mixed in.
Thursday: Justice is at the intersection of fair distribution, processes, retribution, and restoration.
Friday: Power is at the intersection of creativity, justice, and the common good.
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Power is not…
[Intersections – V]
Power is not harnessed when we buy, though the advertisement firm might try to convince you of that.
Power is not exercising your rights. Freedoms, while empowering, are only part of what power means.
Power is not bullying. It’s not violent. It’s not intimidating or controlling. All of those are aspects of power, and all of those are employed by people (and institutions) that insist on being in control, but they are’t the heart of power.
Power is not monopoly. I’ll admit, it often looks like it.
True power is the capacity to create . . . something better, beautify, nourishing, and good.
True power is autonomy . . . that willingly gives up unlimited freedom for the sake of others.
True power is not power-over, but power-under . . . empowering the whole from the bottom.
Power is at the intersection of creativity, justice, and the common good.
You, dear friend, are empowered!
Justice is not...
[Intersections – IV]
Justice is not only about consequences or retribution. Or a generic reference to fairness. Though consequences and fairness play a part.
Justice is not only law and order, but without law, there is no standard by which we measure actions. Order is another thing altogether.
Justice for so-and-so? George Floyd or Breanna Taylor? What does that mean? Ought something happen so their deaths were not in vain?
Justice is at the intersection of distribution (“fair share”), processes (“fair treatment”), retribution (“fair consequences”), and restoration (“fair healing”).
Fair share.
Treatment.
Consequences.
Healing.
In other words, justice is what we insist for our children.
Made accessible to everyone.
Justice is love made public.
(Thank you, Cornell West.)
Faith is not…
[Intersections – III]
Faith is not stupidity or ignorance. Sometimes there are elements of stupidity, insofar as stupidity is a quality of childlikeness. Ignorance? Sure. Small doses of it. (Isn’t there always room to learn?)
Faith is not knowing beyond a shadow of doubt. (I don’t even have that much confidence in gravity.)
Faith does not require a PhD. Though it can. Faith doesn’t require anti-intellectualism and willfully inhibiting learning. Though believing in the futility of such endeavors might be part of it.
Faith is at the intersection of belief, practice, and idiosyncrasy. It’s hopefulness with flesh on it. And a little bit of weird mixed in.
Children have a lot of it.
Grown-ups struggle to allow themselves to have much.
Faith is the soul in action.
Being Rich is not…
[Intersections – II]
Being rich is not a measurement of wealth. Assets, liquid or otherwise, are part of it, but they are not limited to that.
Being rich is not necessarily a quality of lifestyle. Lavish trips, high end hotels, and flying first class might be your preference if you’re rich, but they are not requisite aspects of it.
Rich does not require a high salary. Though it can. Rich does not require making “easy money”. Though it can.
Actually, there’s no necessary correlation between being rich and how much money you have in your account.
Instead, being rich is at the intersection of personal conviction, lifestyle, and income. It's the experience of having more than you need, and what you need is the result of how you see and understand the world. It’s the “freedom” that comes when your convictions result in a cost of living lower than the amount in your account.
I know minimalists, living in a van, that are rich.
And I know millionaires that are not.
Vocation is not…
[Intersections – I]
Vocation is not occupation or work. It can be, but it’s not limited to that.
Vocation is not only interest, passion, excitement, thrill. Those are sensations, and are often associated with vocation. But they aren’t vocation, nor are they always present with vocation.
Vocation is not easy. Though it can be. It's not hard. Though it can be.
Instead, vocation is at the intersection of measurable need, personal interest, and well-crafted skill.
Sunday Reminder
Each Sunday I'll find an older post pertaining to the current week's theme, polish it up, and re-share it.
Here's today's "Sunday Reminder"
Guarded (or Not)
[May 17, 2019]
If you feel the need to defend your thing, it’s likely on it’s way out.
If your impulse is to draw lines, protecting your thing from the world of contamination, it’s approaching the end.
If you are compelled to tell others about it, share it, offer it to the world of potential criticism (and praise), it has life left in it.
If your impulse is to remove the lines, open it to others, explore it, let it breathe, it will live.
To the question, “What’s the state of this or that thing I offer?” the answer is often in how you present it to the world.
Guarded and protected. Or open to exploration and examination.
This goes for your craft.
Your ideas.
Your religious faith.
Weekly Roundup: Border Collie
August 3 – 7, 2020
Monday: The slow encounter with life changed my perspective. No amount of information and argumentation can augment or speed that process up. The best I could do to my former self is gently affirm the life that I lived as it came.
Tuesday: I’m not sure what you’ve been told is your "weakness," but I imagine it’s an aspect of your strength. It very well could be what makes you exceptional. I bet if used properly, it’s a superpower.
Wednesday: Waiting for that opportunity, idea, or chance to return is futile. Sure, put it in a small bag and commemorate it. It’s part of the grieving process. But new opportunities will grow, new ideas will generate, and new chances are forming at this very moment.
Thursday: People like us that are unwilling to continue like this, have a goal. We’re all in. What’s your ball? What are you chasing? What will you sacrifice to get it?
Friday: What traits are innate in you? You can do the hard and ultimately wasteful work of trying to work outside your giftings, or your can do the hard and ultimately helpful work of learning what it is that makes you tick. (It’s not always obvious.)
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Not a Lapdog
[Border Collie – V]
Border Collies have a reputation for being high-energy. As an adult, I’ve owned two, and both have fit the stereotype.
They make terrible lapdogs, but they make great workers.
Herding sheep, check.
Pushing cattle for miles, check.
Playing fetch for hours, check.
Border Collies were bred for that kind of stuff. For generations. No one is going to reverse those traits. For the foreseeable future, they will be small-framed workaholics.
What traits are innate in you? You can do the hard and ultimately wasteful work of trying to work outside your giftings, or your can do the hard and ultimately helpful work of learning what it is that makes you tick. (It’s not always obvious.)
The time and energy required for self-understanding might feel like valuable time lost now, but in the future it will be a lot more time and frustration saved. (Just try holding a Border Collie on your lap.)
Natural Marvel
[Border Collie – IV]
A Border Collie playing fetch is a natural marvel. The speed. The agility. The precision. It’s just incredible.
When the ball leaves my hand, Pepper is already at a full sprint, and she doesn’t slow down until after she has the ball in her mouth. That means, at thirty mph, she puts her mouth to the ground to scoop up a rolling ball. There’s no room for error. If her tooth catches a tuft of grass or her paw steps in a pot hole, she crashes forward.
And she does it every time. Full speed, straight for the ball, regardless of the terrain. She has a singular focus, and she will sacrifice her body to accomplish it.
Her only goal: get the ball. She’s all in, full speed, pure desire.
People like us that are unwilling to continue like this, have a goal. We’re all in.
What’s your ball?
What are you chasing?
What will you sacrifice to get it?
You, dear friend, are a natural marvel.
Shedding is not the End
[Border Collie – III]
Our dog has a medium length, black and white coat, with “feathers” behind her legs and ears. She's currently in shedding season. We remove handfuls of fur when we brush her. I suspect every couple years she has an entirely new coat. Literally, the beautiful coat she has right now will not be the same beautiful coat she has in 2022. Not one hair will remain.
My daughter collected a bag of her smooth, black fur. It’s a commemoration, I think, of last winter’s coat. Her best friend doesn’t look the same, and the bag is small way of grieving. Come November or December, I’m sure she will lose interest, because the dog’s coat will be thick again. And the two of them will be back to cuddling.
Waiting for that opportunity, idea, or chance to return is futile. Sure, put it in a small bag and commemorate it. It’s part of the grieving process. But new opportunities will grow, new ideas will generate, and new chances are forming at this very moment.
Shedding is not the end. Or a failure. Or bad luck. It’s a necessary removal, so what’s new can emerge.
Anticipate the new. Expect it. Prepare for it.
It’s Your Superpower
[Border Collie – II]
Border Collies are known for their small, agile frame, high energy, and intelligence. Our dog, Pepper, fits that description exactly.
Our herding teacher—yes, we actually have one of those—noticed something about Pepper the first time she met her. She said Pepper has an uncommonly “soft” disposition. She advised us to not use force (or even a harsh tone) during training, or it would be counterproductive.
She’s correct. If we show the slightest sign of frustration, Pepper shuts down. Her agile body freezes; her mind disconnects. She just stares at the ground. It’s her one weakness.
Pepper lives for herding . . . and pleasing her owner. Her “soft” disposition is the consequence of the latter. And it’s an aspect of her laser-like focus. She’s attentive to the slightest shift in tone, facial expression, and body language. It may be her “weakness” but it’s also what makes her exceptional.
I’m not sure what you’ve been told is your "weakness," but I imagine it’s an aspect of your strength. It very well could be what makes you exceptional. I bet if used properly, it’s a superpower.