Voiceless Communication
[Your Voice - XI]My editor told me this: “When you write a first draft of a story, include everything. It’ll be terrible. When you re-write it, take out everything that’s not the story.” If this is applied to company emails . . . they’d be 75% shorter. If this advice is followed for meetings . . . we’d have fewer of them and the meetings we did have would be much more efficient. If this insight guides our public speeches and sermons and lectures . . . we’d all pull out phones less. Our voice is not all that we say; it’s not all the thoughts we formulate and the words we can find to put to those thoughts. First drafts are the kernel, chaff, soil, and weeds too. But our voice is in there. It requires threshing, sifting, and meticulously combing through. Our voice is never the first draft. Our voice is often many drafts down the road of re-writing. The most effective emails, important meetings, and impactful speeches all share this: the communicator labored over their communication and the chaff has been removed. Voiceless communication is mostly first draft chatter.Embers & Ashes
[Your Voice - X]Your voice is a gift.
To you.
And to the people that need to hear it. All gifts must be freely given. Not “given for free”, as if you shouldn’t get paid if your unique voice is involved. Rather, your voice must be abundantly offered, widely shared, and given without reservation. Anything not given freely and abundantly is lost you. If given freely, when you return to your safe and open it, you will find a well of words and ideas. If withheld and hoarded, when you return to your safe and open it, you will find a few embers and mostly ashes.Know Your Bone
[Your Voice - IX]Our dog is a working dog. She herds goats, eats, sleeps, and then herds goats again. If she comes into the house, she lays on her mat in the corner. She’s not allowed anywhere else (because that would be gross). On her mat is a bone. She gnaws on it off and on for hours. When it’s time to work, without hesitation, she leaves the comfort of the mat and the tastiness of the bone behind. When she returns, the bone is there to greet her. No one else wants it, touches it, or has any reason to move it. Thoreau said, “Know your own bone; gnaw on it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw on it again.” Your bone is your voice. Put it on your mat.
Return to it often.
Keep gnawing.Top Gun Tension
[Your Voice - VIII]
My kids aren’t going to watch Top Gun II.
Because I just watched Top Gun I… and it’s a movie about sex. Literally the whole thing is full of tension—heated dialogue and suggestive body language leading to bed. (Even the flight scenes, I think, are euphemisms for the “bedroom” desires.) Another way to say it: the whole movie is an attempt at intimacy, to realize passion, to touch skin to skin, and I can’t imagine the sequel being any different.
Think of your voice this way.
Your voice should include tension.
Pressure.
Intimacy.
Passion.
Your voice must be intimate. Skin to skin.
There should be no distance between you and the voice you are practicing to develop. Top Gun would only have a few fans without sensuality. It would be about flying fighter jets. Nothing more. But the way it’s written, it’s one of the most popular movies of an entire generation. Because of the intimacy and tension.
Cold and distant, your voice will be a few words hurled into the air. Keep it close-up. Intimate.
[h/t Stephen King]
Horse Comedy
[Your Voice - VII]I watched a new Jim Gaffigan release the other day. He went on and on about being over weight for twenty minutes (no surprise there). He followed his food and weight jokes with a ten minute run about horses. I noticed two things while listening to his endless stream of jokes: 1) He notices and highlights the the funniest details (eg Imagine wearing metal shoes and putting them on with nails), and 2) his delivery is funny; his content is mostly true (eg A racehorse retires from racing at three years old to a life of studding—that seems like an upgrade).Not all of us are cut out for standup. But all of us have a voice, and standup and voice always share these two things: 1) paying attention, and 2) telling the truth. Your voice is not a broad stroke endeavor. It requires looking closely over a long period of time. What’s your subject matter? Pay attention. Take notes. Look for nuance and bias and idiosyncrasy. You will begin to see trends, interactions, and influences that you were previous blind to. These details can only be shared with precision. Paying attention always precedes precision. Your voice cannot be plagiarized or faked. That’s someone else’s voice (or propaganda). Who’s your audience? They need the truth. Your voice is the conduit for that truth and if words are cherry picked from elsewhere, minced, or faked, their lives are deficient. To be clear, truth-telling is not cold fact-sharing. Truth-telling is as much a measurement of whether the content being communicated is consistent with the convictions of the teller as it is a correlation to some measurable fact in the world. Truth-telling is the pulse of your heart. Pay attention. Tell the truth.No Voice is Without Conflict 2
[Your Voice - VI]If you use your voice, which you will if you’re open to it and practice, you will get pushback. If it’s fiction, the pushback will be about wasting time. If it’s non-fiction, the pushback will be a plea to cause less of a stir. If you use your voice to talk about you… you’ll still get pushback. Telling your own story in the form of memoir or autobiography, despite you being the final authority, inevitably receives complaints of embellishment. In a world saturated with soundbites, clickbait, and cliches, communicating authentically with an ear to the ground and a finger on your own pulse threatens the still waters of superficiality.No Voice is Without Conflict
[Your Voice - V]If you use your voice—not your favorite author's voice, or the celebrity's opinion, or the song writer's lyric, or the pastor’s line, or the pundit’s position—which you will if you’re open to it and practice, you will get pushback. If your voice is fiction.
Symbol.
Art.
Abstract.Resistance will come through as a dismissive question: Why are you wasting your time? If your voice is non-fiction.
Historical.
Journalism.
Truthful prose. Resistance will come as a request for “peace": Why are you causing such a stir? Both questions are affirmations disguised as criticism. No voice is without conflict.On Carrots & Voice
[Your Voice - IV]Every year I question whether I should grow carrots in the garden. Because the seeds take so long to germinate, they always contend with weeds. I’m yet to lay my eyes on a bed of carrots that doesn’t look like a knee-high jungle of weeds. Harvesting them is a mess. Unlike a cucumber or cantaloupe, removing them from the growing bed is only half the harvesting battle; then I must contend with the dirt. However, when the high pressure hose hits them they burst with radiant orange, making store bought carrots, by comparison, appear dull and lifeless. Cultivating your voice is a bit like this. The work seems too much. It’s full of weeds. It’s messy. But at some point your voice will pop with color. Everyday chatter and generic “insights” from “experts” will sound dull and lifeless.Crafting Words to Love
[Your Voice - III]We can literally fall in love with words. This is why some people cry at the end of a book; the closing of the book it the end of a relationship. Or, this is why a poem can bring us to tears; the words gently touch our sacred core. Sometimes it’s a lyric, an article, or a full length series. Length is inconsequential; it’s the voice of the author that captivates our mind and captures our heart. The author (or speaker, songwriter, playwright, or teacher) doesn’t have a spell they cast over their audience. Rather, they harness their true voice, with unrelenting commitment to speak truthfully and meaningfully, for the sake of eager listeners.If we have the ability to fall in love with words, then we have the ability to craft words that others fall in love with.If You Go, It Will Show
[Your Voice - II] You must go. You can’t stay put and continue to do what you do, hoping it will arrive.
You can’t turn in circles and catch it by accident right where you are. You must go. And yet, it’s not at the destination.
Your goal, target, terminus will not have it. Between here and there, with a lot of practice, it will show up. Staying is not using your voice at all and hoping you discover it. Won’t happen. And thinking you will discover it when you arrive is not how it works. Instead, your voice—the words you wrap around your unique perspective for the sake of the world—simply shows up. Unexpectedly. With work. If you stay put, you contribute to the noise.
If you wait for a destination, you’ll remain silent. But as you go, if you continually wrestle to put language to experience, images to thoughts, and words to feelings, your voice will show up.Voice Threshold
[Your Voice - I] When we’re young, we repeat what our caretaker says. (We mumble words, our first steps toward talking.) As we age, we copy others close to us, whether it be uncles, siblings, or neighbors. (We try on their voice.)A little older and we mimic peers and pop figures we “admire”. (We attempt to build our voice while using others’ tools.) At some point, we reach a developmental threshold. Stepping over it is a decision to do the hard work of developing our own voice; staying put is settling for repeating the voices of those around us. Many people will stand still. Repeat and regurgitate. Forever. People like us will step forward, leaving behind soundbites and cliches, and stumble over words until our voice shows up. Eventually it will arrive, never to leave again.Spice it Up
[Learning & Growing - XXIII]Tomorrow, I’ll be moving onto a new topic for reflection. I’ll spend some time offering insights on developing “voice"—what it is, how to develop it, and why it matters. As a final thought regarding Learning & Growth, I offer you the following (and I plan to circle back around to it in the future when I work through a series of reflections on Rebels & Prophets): I wonder if mischief—in schools, in the classroom, in the cafeteria, and in the library—is an indication that learning should be full of playfulness, fun, and even a little misbehavior. Think back to your favorite teacher or professor. Did they not bring a bit of “mischief" to the learning experience? Mine did. Spice it up a bit.
Have fun.
Play more.
Learn.
Grow.Dillard’s Window
[Learning & Growing - XXII]I think it was Annie Dillard that said if a writer needs a window they are lacking imagination. The quote stung a little because I have a window next to my computer. Upon further reflection, I realized: I don’t need the window to assist my imagination; I need the window for perspective. Windows afford me a view of my place in the world, not ideas for content. Without a window, writing is the only thing I do; with a window, I’m reminded that in the grand scheme of life, my children, community, and county need more than just my words. They need my hands to hold the hurting, my food to heal bodies, my care to nurture hearts, and my insights to encourage change. When I look through the window at my garden—at the world—I don’t receive ideas; rather, I’m reminded that growth is a community affair and progress requires our collective efforts. Windows lead us toward connection. Windows draw us out of our echo chambers and into conversation. Windows are a house’s reminder that we’re not alone and that mere words are not enough.A Latte or Whole Wheat Bagel
[Learning & Growing - XXI]There is a certain contentment that comes with predictability. The caramel macchiato that we order every morning from our favorite coffee shop, made just right, with a sprinkle of cocoa on the whipped cream. Our favorite everything bagel with tea and orange juice in the morning, as the sun peers through the kitchen window. The evening shower with familiar 90’s pop music playing from our phone resting next to the sink. As creatures of habit, we all have routines that bring us a bit of contentment. And when they are disrupted, we’re irritated, even angry. But there’s childlike delight that only comes as a result of surprise. How is surprise different than inconvenient disruption? Why does one cause delight and the other irritation? Practice. Try a latte one morning. Or a whole wheat bagel. Or 70’s Rock in he shower. Just to gently mix it up, on your terms. To get practice. You might be surprised, even delighted.[Something else new: forward this to a friend—signing up for these daily reflections might be the small surprise they need.]The Common Denominator
[Learning & Growing - XX]“Free coffee, next exit.” Only occasionally does it motivate me to pull off at the next exit, which is usually a rest stop adopted by the Lions Club, but every time it gets me wondering: “Is the coffee gonna be good this time; is it worth pulling off to meet the good folks giving of their time; should I take a bathroom break just to see?” It’s the only “billboard” that actually works. It doesn’t close any sales. It doesn’t create brand awareness. It rarely motivates any action. But it makes me curious. And curiosity—even in it’s most diluted how’s-the-coffee-this-time way—is the earliest form of change. On the freeway, it’s merely a change in direction or progress, but on the road we travel in life, it could be the difference between two lives. Curiosity is the common denominator for: Learning. Discovery. Change. Growth. Advancement. Even success. What’s your coffee sign? Stay curious.More than Reaching Goals
[Learning & Growing - XIX]It’s not the destination; it’s the journey. It’s not the summit; it’s the hike and sights and wildlife (and the summit view is nice). It’s not the harvest; it’s the cultivation, planting, and care (and the harvest is delicious, too). It’s not the championship; it’s the trainings, the season, the team, and the growth (and winning feels great… don’t get me wrong). At the center of the process, the journey, the mundane tasks from here to there, is a nucleus of magic, a core of inspiration, a touch of the divine. Learning and growing is like this. If we attend to the process, stay curious, and keep our eyes wide open, we will encounter the infinite at the center of the finite, the divine at the heart of the material and mundane. This awareness is as much a part of our needed growth as reaching our goals.How to Stop Being Curious
[Learning & Growing - XVIII]Children want to know. They want to touch, smell, taste, hear, and see the world up close. If something is movable, they want to discover what’s under it. If something is translucent, they want to see through it. If a door is closed or a latch is locked they want to open it and discover what’s behind it. And their curiosity is the engine behind their rate of learning. Children learn and intellectually grow at light speed. Where does that curiosity go? Does it evaporate into the air of maturity? Does it disintegrate into the ground of adulthood? Those easy targets to blame. They play a part, but not as much as our learned behaviors. Here are few:Curiosity is flattened by precaution. Inquisitiveness and investigation keep curiosity supple and vibrant. Fear and precaution flatten the life out of curiosity.Curiosity is crushed by shame. Nothing kills curiosity like shame. When encouragement to explore is what the curious need, shame is the proverbial anvil falling from the sky—it squashes and buries it in one collision.Curiosity is weakened by preoccupation. Curiosity and attentiveness are twin siblings; they go everywhere together. When one slacks, the other carries more weight and vice versa. Most often, they are symbiotic and supportive of each other. Preoccupation, tears them apart through disparate priorities and distractions. Curiosity is deadened by dismissiveness. Curiosity loves affirmation. Not gushing praise but subtle support, a smile, a nod to continue, and occasional encouragement. The antithesis of subtle affirmation is not overt criticism but dismissiveness, not as explicit but equally deadening.Feline Curiosity
[Learning & Growing - XVII]Curiosity killed the cat. That’s fine; the cat has eight more lives. In other words, curiosity didn’t kill anything, not in the sense that a feline deceased because of it. Idioms sound nice.Often they have little useful meaning. Everything is wrong with “Curiosity killed the cat”. The worst part: curiosity gets a bad rap. A desire to explore, investigate, understand, engage, discover, and learn, might be the very things that keeps cats (and humans) alive. Sure, curiosity occasionally leads to danger, but without it, we run the risk of never living. I’ll take the danger every time. (I’m sure the cat would agree.)Growth is Exhausting
[Learning & Growing -XVI]Personal growth is exhausting. Learning a new skill.
Challenging old beliefs and assumption.
Mastering a task.
Changing habits.
Expanding perspective.
Gaining strength.
Healing.
Grieving.
Opening to surprise.
Adding responsibility.
Changing course.
Staying course, on purpose.
Empathizing.
Healing from injury. Friends, being exhausted from actively growing is expected. It is normal. Remember, a newborn baby sleeps nearly the whole day… because it’s committed to the task of growing. [If you want to track along with some of my recent growth, here’s a summary.]Learning is Always an Exercise…
[Learning & Growing - XV]Independent learning is a myth. We’re always drawing on someone’s hard work, discoveries, and insights. We need others for collaboration, support, and encouragement. We are always learning in a context and the context is rarely a “product” of our own creation. Learning must honor history.
Learning is a team sport.
Learning is part of a bigger puzzle.This is why learning is always an exercise in looking backwards, looking within, and looking around.