“Get Over it"
[Don’t Dismiss It - II]
“Stuff it!”
"Get over it.”
“Move on.”
We don’t often say those words to young people, but those are the silent message being sent.
When we disparage emotions, we are claiming they have little value. When we celebrate stoicism, we are celebrating “self-control” and hiding feelings. When we work hard to distinguish emotional thinking and decision making from logical, rational, clear-minded thinking and decision making, we’re tilting the scale away from the complex make-up of our inner world.
And then when those young people grow up with disregard for the diversity of the human experience and little empathy, we know: we taught them that.
“Stuff it!”
"Get over it.”
“Move on.”
We don’t have to say the words to convey the message. Dismissing or disconnecting from the complex emotional world that is in each of us makes doing it to others “second nature”.
Inside Fear
[Don’t Dismiss It - I]
"Look it in the eye and disarm it."
"Face it, fight it, conquer it.”
“Blow by it with speed.”
“Just Ignore it.”
There is so much advice out there about fear, which is a testament to the sheer volume of it. Some of the advice is not wrong—just incomplete and often not helpful. Some of it is hurtful.
Do you struggle with fear? Fear of saying “Yes!” to that thing you often go to bed thinking about. Fear of saying “No!" to that thing you woke up faced with. Fear of staying quiet.
What if instead of ignoring the fear, we addressed it?
Instead of doing something to it, we observed it?
Instead of dismissing it, we heeded it?
Fear has an inside and outside. Examine it. Poke around.
Fear is never one-dimensional. It’s complex and multi-facited. Take it apart. Understand it.
Fear is never shallow. It has a surface, but it is deep. Dive into it. Ask it questions. Dig.
Fear is our great teacher . . . if we’re willing to be its student.
Weekly Roundup: Bland
October 19 - 23, 2020
Monday: And when we do average work, accept average engagement, consume average media, and allow ourselves to do average critical thinking . . . there is still “proportional shared loss”.
Tuesday: And I learned something when I was given that freedom: my most creative work and my most cogent ideas came on the heels of daydreaming.
Wednesday: It’s a type of positive, internal buffer, to know (regardless of criticism!) that we are contributing something meaningful and beautiful to the world.
Thursday: Bland coffee. Bland color. Bland meetings. Bland conversation.
Bland costs nothing (in terms of money). And yet it costs everything (in terms of connection and meaning).
Friday: Beauty invites us into contemplation. It arrests our attention. It slows us down and (implicitly) asks us to take time.
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Not Less but More
[BLAND - X]
If it’s too technical, the soul makes a quick exit.
Too bland, the soul goes silent.
Too harsh, the soul protects and hides.
If it’s beautiful, the soul arrives.
If artistic, the soul attends.
Beauty invites us into contemplation. It arrests our attention. It slows us down and (implicitly) asks us to take time. In a world that is increasingly more fast-paced, more pragmatic and technical, and less patient and attentive, what we need—what our soul needs!—is more art, more beauty, more crafted, and more creative engagement.
Not less.
Bland Broker
[BLAND - IX]
Bland is a choice. So is Beauty.
Bland coffee. Bland color. Bland meetings. Bland conversation.
Bland costs nothing (in terms of money).
And yet it costs everything (in terms of connection and meaning).
Creativity is a choice. And it’s free.
Beautiful is also a choice. And free.
Purposeful, meaningful, intentional . . .again, all free.
These are not purchased. They are not inherited. They are chosen.
Don’t be a broker of bland.
Choose creativity.
Be intentional.
Negativity Buffer
[BLAND - VIII]
If I get twenty positive emails and one nasty one, it’s the nasty one that has more immediate and lasting impact on my wellbeing. I think about it all day.
If I get five compliments on my presentation and one criticism . . . you already know where I’m going with this. I’m guessing you’re the same way. It’s the one criticism you remember, stew on, or obsess over.
It’s called the negativity bias. Things of a negative nature have a greater effect on us than those of a positive or neutral nature.
There is something I have found that dilutes the negativity bias: Producing your best work all the time. Our subconscious is aware when we do average things, at 50%, without beauty and charm, for people we don’t care about. If we don’t genuinely care about the work we are doing, we are more susceptible to negativity.
It pricks our ego.
It threatens our sense of security.
But if we do care, we build self-assurance by virtue of being intentional, caring, and giving to the world the best of what we have to offer. It’s a type of positive, internal buffer, to know (regardless of criticism!) that we are contributing something meaningful and beautiful to the world.
Try it. For a week. Or longer.
Barrier of Bland
[BLAND - VII]
In grade school it was daily.
In high school, weekly.
That is, when I was younger, my impulse to daydream was chastised. Staring out the window—dreaming about the sensation of flying, a world without cars, what it would be like to have scales or to live in a tree, or whatever—was always cut short.
Daydreaming was not paying attention.
Not a good use of time.
Not productive.
In college, I was allowed to daydream all I wanted.
And I learned something when I was given that freedom: my most creative work and my most cogent ideas came on the heels of daydreaming. Not because I dreamed them up first . . . but because daydreaming gave me the permission to playfully imagine what’s beyond common restrictions. And that’s often the missing ingredient to good work.
Permission.
Give yourself permission to daydream.
And you’ll break through the barriers of bland.
Average Loss
[BLAND - VI]
“Average” comes from the maritime concept of the Law of General Average, which requires all stakeholders to share the cost equally should cargo get lost or destroyed in an emergency. You can see how "proportionally shared loss” is retained in it’s mathematical meaning.
But there’s another etymological piece here.
Average has a non-mathematic meaning:
Ordinary.
Bland.
Common.
And when we do average work, accept average engagement, consume average media, and allow ourselves to do average critical thinking . . . there is still “proportional shared loss”.
When we accept average, we all lose.
Weekly Roundup: BLAND
October 12- 16, 2020
Monday: But don't confuse not getting noticed, blending in, and being unoffensive with virtue.
Tuesday: Sometimes, to do our best work, we need someone else to point out the overly busy, the unprofessional, and the idiosyncratic.
Wednesday: But are we willing to put our supporters under tension? Are we willing to risk making promises . . . and then show up?
Thursday: There is always more going on than an untrained eye can see. Beauty is not happenstance. Art is never lucky. It is intentional. And hard work.
Friday: Artists are everywhere—trying to create change by interfacing beauty with culture. And by being generous.
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Interfacing Beauty with Culture
[BLAND - V]
Art is a distinct activity. That produces something.
It is the creation of something new. Does it have to work? That’s, of course, not necessarily a helpful question. Does it influence, communicate, convey, impact? Those are better questions because art combines beauty or craft with contextual reference to culture . . . to send a message . . . and make a difference.
Art produces change.
An artist simply creates something that will produce that change.
But art is not necessarily a painting or sculpture. Art is not necessarily created in a studio.
Sometimes it’s in an office. Or workshop. Or at dinner table. Or garden.
Artists are everywhere—trying to create change by interfacing beauty with culture. And by being generous.
You can be an artist, if you want. (Actually, we need you to be an artist.)
Forfeit the Beauty
[BLAND - IV]
Have you ever listened to a painter talk about the color choice of the sky?
Have you ever heard an interior designer expound on the principles of light when it comes window orientation?
Have you ever listened to an impassioned graphic designer share their thoughts on the curvature of the logo?
Have you ever sat at the foot of a poet and taken in their rationale for word choice in the second line of the third stanza?
There is always more going on than an untrained eye can see. Beauty is not happenstance. Art is never lucky. It is intentional. And hard work.
If we skip the work, we forfeit the beauty.
Promise and Tension
[BLAND -III]
I’m convinced that Ford could have done it.
I believe GM could have done it, too.
Toyota? No doubt.
But Tesla did it instead. Elon Musk told the world, “We will build the fastest, safest, most efficient vehicle ever.” Not just the fastest. There’s always been a race for more HP and speed. Not just the safest. Volvo's been after that award. And not just the most efficient. A lot of folks are figuring out the battery riddle.
But Musk said, “Not one, but all three. Same car.”
Was it the capital? The technology? The vision? Nope. It was the audacity. The courage. The willingness to put followers/clients/customers under tension while they wait for what’s truly better.
We all have this ability.
But are we willing to put our supporters under tension?
Are we willing to risk making promises . . . and then show up?
Or will bland, predictable, incremental improvements that comfort and protect as many people as possible do the trick?
It’s time for you to take a risk.
Make a promise.
Create tension.
And then show up.
[H/T to Seth Godin for this line of thinking.]
Book Covers & Life
[BLAND - II]
There are three mistakes in designing a book cover:
1) Too busy (messy),
2) Poor art (unprofessional), and
3) Idiosyncratic (special meaning to a very limited number of people).
This is common knowledge.
And yet tomorrow, a 100 (or 10,000) hopeful authors, after thousands of hours of hard work, will self-publish a book that, at first glance, will discourage would-be readers away from buying.
Doing beautiful work does not mean you “stick to your guns” at all costs, turning a blind eye to the information that’s available. Another set of (professional) eyes ought to “disarm” us.
Sometimes, to do our best work, we need someone else to point out the overly busy, the unprofessional, and the idiosyncratic.
That’s true for life, too.
Better and Beauty
[BLAND - I]
What’s worse than average?
What’s worse than just-cutting-it?
More of those, of course. (Especially when we need exceptional.) Showing up and putting in just enough work to get the grade, just enough effort to not raise concern, just enough investment to not draw attention . . . is a grave mistake.
What’s worse than tan?
What’s worse than mauve?
Every wall the same color, of course. (Especially when we need something beautiful.) Thinking one, acceptable shade on this wall is sufficient for all the walls throughout the entire building . . . is a problem.
There’s nothing wrong with average sometimes.
There’s nothing inherently ugly about mauve.
But don't’ confuse not getting noticed, blending in, and being unoffensive with virtue.
What we need is better.
What need is beauty.
What we need is people that will take risks for both.
Sunday Reminder
Each Sunday I'll find an older post pertaining to the current week's theme, polish it up, and re-share it.
Here's today's "Sunday Reminder"
Experiences
(January 22, 2020)
What’s behind the pursuit of the next exhilarating experience?
Is that vacation about experiencing Mayan ruins or is it about vacating the ruins in your life?
Is the restaurant experience about encountering a new cuisine or getting a picture to portray a life of perpetual culinary adventure?
Is all that coming and going and experiencing about being busy or is it about needing to be too busy to sit still with yourself?
I’m not sure we want experiences as much as we want other experiences than the one right in front of us, the one we’re afraid of encountering head-on.
People like us love experiencing what's new and exhilarating. But unless we first commit to experiencing the slow, real world right in front of us, all the new experiences will be an escape. And we won’t fully encounter any of it.
Weekly Roundup: Affirmations, Again
October 5 – October 9, 2020
Monday: And the world is better if you don’t leave room to disavow where you are by “blaming” it on someone else.
Tuesday: You, friend, are an endless universe of discovery, which is to say, you can never exhaust learning about yourself.
Wednesday: Literacy will be measured in the future by one’s ability to learn, unlearn, adapt, and relearn a subject. Math proficiency will be more specified, measured by one’s ability to solve complex, ever-changing, field-specific problems.
Thursday: It requires being the person you wish the world would see you as being. It requires doing the measurable, observable, tangible actions that combat the superficial narrative of who you are.
Friday: Affirmations are not a concession to others being right, better, or winning. Instead, affirmations are an acknowledgement of their value. Affirmations prioritize their humanity and grant them dignity.
Are you interested in the whole reflection? Click on any day, and it will take you there.
Want to help grow the community of people like us that are unwilling to continue in ways like this? Help us spread the word: share on Facebook, Twitter, or with a friend via email. Find the links below.
Begin with Affirmations
[Affirmations - XV]
The greatest accomplishment of partisan bickering . . .
. . . is not convincing anyone new to come across the aisle.
. . . is not building consensus on anything that matters.
. . . is not tilting the scale for any moderate.
. . . is not teaching children what is right and wrong, good and bad.
. . . is not revealing the truth and standing for justice.
The greatest accomplishment of all this screaming is an increase in self-righteousness.
If we can’t begin with affirmations, we’re merely inflating the image we have of ourselves. Affirmations are not a concession to others being right, better, or winning. Instead, affirmations are an acknowledgement of their value. Affirmations prioritize their humanity and grant them dignity.
Try it.
You are concerned, even worried.
You have valid points.
You make sense.
Begin with affirmations.
Enact the Alternative
[Affirmations - XIV]
You are not indifferent to suffering, regardless of how they stereotype you.
You are not cold or heartless. Though they may (seem to) suggest that.
You are not greedy, no matter how hard they try to pigeonhole you.
You are not ignorant, blind, or short-sighted, regardless of the headlines.
You are not an isolationist, a xenophobic, or a malevolent monster.
But getting enraged while you passively consume the stereotyping headlines, paid ads, and tweet storms only reciprocates (and affirms) the problem.
Embody the truth.
Enact the alternative.
It requires being the person you wish the world would see you as being. It requires doing the measurable, observable, tangible actions that combat the superficial narrative of who you are.
Literally, we must build the kind of world that reflects the character, convictions, and compassion we have. One action at a time.
The More Machine
[Affirmation - XIII]
I imagine it’s in your head the same way it’s in mine: “Do more, get more, be more . . . more, more, more.”
If it’s not in your head, then it’s certainly written into your subconscious. It’s the water we swim in. The whole system around us demands it of us.
More news.
More options.
More stimulation.
More videos.
More square footage.
More shine.
More likes.
More information.
Take our schools, for example—the primary influencing institution of every child between 4 and 18. Are there serious discussions about starting kids later? How about fewer subjects? Fewer hours in class? Less homework? Less testing? Nope. (Okay, there are some folks having these conversation, but by and large, not most.)
More subjects. More hours. More testing.
And yet we know that literacy and math proficiency (when we all have super computers in our pockets) is not the same as the standard reading, writing, and arithmetic from the 80’s. Literacy will be measured in the future by one’s ability to learn, unlearn, adapt, and relearn a subject. Math proficiency will be more specified, measured by one’s ability to solve complex, ever-changing, field-specific problems. That requires not 12 years of math, but the ability to unlearn a lot of math we thought was permanent and learn a complex set of new skills, specific to context.
It’s time we stop the More Machine.
Not more news, but better thinking. Richer (and fewer) conversations.
Not more options, but one or two just and sustainable options.
Not more square footage and accessories and bling but a simpler lifestyle.
Not more likes but better connection.
And not more learning, but the ability to unlearn and relearn.
Don’t Settle for the Familiar
[Affirmation - XII]
The best (if not the only) learning happens when you are surprised. When you encounter the new, the fresh, the freeing, and the challenging—all ways to be surprised—your engagement spikes and your retention soars.
As much as it seems some people are drawn to what’s familiar, I think behind that penchant for familiarity is a latent hope that surprise will break through. (In the case of news, we might call this an appetite for “shock”.)
You, friend, are an endless universe of discovery, which is to say, you can never exhaust learning about yourself.
Dig deeper.
Search more.
Ask questions.
Explore.
There is so much in there to delight and inspire.
There is so much beauty.
And richness.
And depth.
Don’t settle for the familiar you.
Keep learning.